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Happy Holidays!

Peter Slapnicher

Since everyone who has the power to reject me is seemingly busy being merry and tolerant of family and friends, I will take a moment to wish a big, old, "Thank you!" and, also, "Happy Holidays!" to all of the good people who took the time to read my work this year, whether they be acceptors, rejectors, or just plain readers. You certainly don't need to spend your time or money supporting independent literary ventures, but it sure is nice that you do. Thank you also to the people who google such phrases as "douche bag," "douchebag," "French maid," and "human boner."  You make me smile when I see that your search arrived at my blog and raised my number of visits for the day.

If I knew any of you in person, I might scrape together my pennies and buy you one of the following items:

A Chia Pet

I especially like the animals made into Chia pets which arent furry in real life.

A Snuggie

Its a blanket with sleeces - basically a long, fleece robe you put on backwards - apparently made for imbeciles that find blankets too difficult to maneuver.

Or, finally,

A ShamWow

They sell themselves.

I would decide which gift you would get on what I imagined you were most silently wishing for.  I know, I know.  You want all three, but I'm not made of money.

Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Happy Kwanzaa! Merry Solstice! Happy New Year!  Or, just, you know, try to have a good day for a change! Whatever turns you on!